Never Look Back
by knaveofhooks
Summary: Knalice fanfiction journey through loss and love. Limit of five chapters. (Guys! I am so sorry for taking so long on updating! Working on it!)
1. Chapter 1

A shriek of pure agony escaped from Alice's lips as Jafar raised his scepter and killed her love. Cyrus. His lifeless body lay on the ground, and she found herself sinking to her knees. The seconds slowed down to what felt like a lifetime as she managed to draw near to Cyrus.

Jafar smirked at her and called his magic carpet. Without so much as another word, he stepped on the vessel and floated away. His deed was done; the Red Queen and Cyrus were dead. He would leave Alice to mourn alone. His plan for her was not yet ready.

Still on her knees, Alice cradled the corpse of the man she loved and sobbed uncontrollably. She had just gotten him back. Now Cyrus was gone again. Will had been turned into a genie in order to save her and she had no idea where the bottle that contained him was. She shut her eyes and let the tears roll down her cheeks. The sun was setting and storm clouds were approaching, but she could not bear to leave him. She would not leave him.

As rain began to patter against her skin, Alice woke from her dreams. Cyrus was still dead. Her attempt to dream the reality away had failed.

She released him from her grip and sat up. As much as she wanted to mourn the death for the rest of her existence, she could not afford to. Jafar was still out there, and she was not about to become ill from being outside in the rain. Alice rubbed the remaining tears from her eyes and stood. Leaning over, she grabbed Cyrus' deadweight legs and dragged him into their safe place. As soon as she collapsed onto the bed, thunder cracked and rain came pouring down.

As if the world mourned with her.

When Alice awoke once again after Cyrus' death, she was not alone in the safe house they had once shared happy memories in. The White Rabbit stood next to Cyrus' body, grimacing. He had run off, like he always seemed to do, after Will had used his wish. She wondered how he knew that she was in here, but dismissed it. Surely he had only assumed and just now realized that Cyrus had been murdered.

Her heart ached and she was exhausted. Looking at the body of her love made her lose any hope or joy that may have survived in her soul. Her knees buckled and Alice found herself sobbing on the floor once again. The White Rabbit walked to her and gently stroked her cheek.

"Now, there, there, Alice," he whispered, even though he knew it would do no good. She sniffled and let more tears go. He continued, "I had no idea, you must believe me. And...you had _just_ gotten him back. Oh, my dear."

The Rabbit was feeling a bit hopeless himself. He had done so much to help Alice get back to Cyrus. All for nothing.

_And to think I worked for Jafar,_ he thought angrily. _To think I bowed to his authority. I betrayed them...for this? For suffering?_

The Rabbit felt a renewed anger boil inside of him. "Alice," he went on, "I know I could never hope to have your forgiveness for helping Jafar, but I want to do all that I can to help you now."

Alice looked at him through the constant blurring water in her eyes. He was right, of course. She did not want to forgive him. Ever. But she needed him now.

She nodded and the Rabbit helped her up. Alice brushed off her dress, wiped her eyes, and spoke, "I suppose the first thing to do is give Cyrus a proper burial. And you are quite fond of digging holes."

A weak smile appeared on her face for a split second, then vanished. The Rabbit supposed it wouldn't be appropriate to laugh and simply nodded. He helped her pull Cyrus back out of the tent and into the world outside.

The ground was still wet from the storm the day before. The sun shone bright, but the air somehow still felt cool. They slowly began to dig, and an hour later had a hole perfect for Cyrus' body. With Alice still weak emotionally and physically, the Rabbit managed to lower Cyrus in the grave by himself. She could barely throw the first handful of dirt onto him without breaking down. The pure reality of his death hit her harder than before. This was it. There truly was no bringing him back.

Alice's life would never be the same.

_**two weeks later**_

With her love dead in the ground, Alice had set off to find Will. She had found herself missing him greatly. Over the months of finding Cyrus, they had grown incredibly close to each other. Now that she was past the initial grieving stage, she had to do something. And that something was finding the only person left in Wonderland that could bring her any happiness. Will Scarlet.

She navigated her way through forests and towns with no results. Alice was beginning to lose hope when she remembered that she had found Cyrus first in the Red Queen's maze. Maybe the bottle had returned there.

Slowly and discreetly, she made her way to the maze. With no queen to rule, the place had turned to chaos. There were no guards anymore; the castle was overrun with looters. Nevertheless, Alice entered the maze cautiously. She had no idea what was waiting around each corner. With her sword drawn, she carefully kept herself aware of her surroundings while searching for the bottle.

Alice had spent no more than ten minutes in the maze when she happened upon the bottle. It was hidden almost completely from sight by the shrubberies, but it was the same bottle. She let out a gasp of relief and rubbed it, willing to release the genie-Will-inside.

Blue-grey smoke burst out the end of the bottle. Alice set it down and stepped back. When the smoke cleared, she couldn't help but grin.

Will.

She ran to embrace him and he almost fell over, not prepared to see her again. They hugged for what seemed a forever before he broke away.

"_What the bloody hell, Alice?_ How-and why-are you here?" he managed out. "Where's Cyrus?"

Alice looked up at him, her face turning grim for the first time today. "Will…"

Will's mouth, for lack of better words, dropped open in utter shock. He stepped back and started to shake his head violently. His hands went to the back of his neck and his fingernails dug into the skin. "No, no, no, _no_…Don't tell me that something happened to him, Alice. He was supposed to be your happy ending. I sacrificed everything for you to be with him. To end your suffering."

Tears began to roll down her cheeks once again, a feeling she had come to know all too well. Her suffering had ended, all for two minutes. Will's wish had turned into nothing, despite his sacrifice.

_All magic comes with a price._

Will Scarlet was all she had left in the world. They both had no one else. Before Alice could say anymore, she found herself back in his embrace. They stood there for an eternity before she broke away. They needed to leave the maze. The death of the queen did not guarantee their safety.

Alice grabbed his bottle. In one hand she held it, and in the other, she held Will's hand. Together, they ran out of the maze. Once out of it, Will stopped and looked at her. "Alice, what are we going to do?"

"I don't know, Will. All I know is I need you. You're all I have left to hope in now," she replied. His ears buzzed. Did he dare hope that she meant so much than he expected? Cyrus had been the love of her life, but maybe he had not been her true love. First love isn't always true love. Will had fallen for Alice months before, even though his entire mission was to reunite her with another. Alice was truly beautiful-in spirit and appearance. She had caught his attention while they were adventuring around Wonderland, but he had known that Cyrus would make it hopeless.

Alice brought him out of his thoughts by snapping her fingers in front of his face. He shook them from his head. He couldn't think of Alice like this. She could never love him. She had valued a life with Cyrus too greatly to notice that maybe what she really needed had been standing next to her the entire time.

"Snap out of it, Will," she scolded him. "I don't know what we're to do, but let's start by going back to the safe house."

Will nodded and they set off to return to the place where every nightmare of hers had come true. But it was the only thing she could do. She would not lose him too. Will Scarlet must survive. _For her. For himself. For Wonderland._


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER:** If you self-harm or are suicidal, I would _**NOT**_ recommend reading this. With this fic, I had to go a route that could very well be triggering. I really don't like putting up triggering stuff, but it's important to the story layout I have. So, please do not trigger yourself by reading this. I would feel completely horrible. This chapter however, should be the only one that could trigger anyone. Please hang in here with me for the rest of the story. (P.S. You stay strong yourself. I love you.)

Also, I received a review from someone asking for more White Rabbit. I couldn't fit him into this chapter, but I will be putting more of him in. Sorry, person! And thanks to all who left the reviews on the first chapter. I appreciate it. :)

With that said, let the sadness begin. (Please let me know what you all think!)

* * *

The next few days Alice and Will spent together were full of emotional turmoil. She had forgotten to mention that Red Queen-or Anastasia-had also been murdered at the hands of Jafar. The Knave may not have loved her anymore, but she assumed that the loss still made his heart heavy. He had lost her long ago, but her being alive meant there was always another chance for her to come back to him. He tried to hide his pain, but his suffering was apparent to her.

Will, for the most part, did not leave the safe house. They didn't talk much; the only words he had spoken today were to reject her offer of letting him have the only bed in the shelter for the night. Even while he was in pain, he was quite the gentleman.

Alice left the tent for the outside world. Their food stores were running low and she needed to remedy that as soon as possible. She managed to find berry bushes in the meadow and stripped them completely. There wasn't much food to be had here. If they were to live, they must eventually move from the invisible tent.

Arms full of black and violet berries, Alice made her way back to Will. She passed Cyrus' grave and her knees began to feel weak. No, she was far from moving on. The berries tumbled from her arms as she collapsed to the ground once again. She could not be strong. For herself or for Will. The tall grass blades prickled her skin, but she was too preoccupied to notice.

Who was she kidding? She was not past grieving. She was not past any stage at all. Cyrus had been her life. The last time she lost him, she had returned to father. In return, he sent her off to a madhouse. _All for losing someone she loved. Because he didn't believe in Wonderland._

She had no one to turn to. Alice had tried to forgive him, but the bitterness ran too far deep in heart. Cyrus' death had simply called it to the surface.

She lay on the ground for an hour before Will came looking for her. When he caught sight her, he exploded into a run and slid to the ground next to her.

"Alice, no. Don't look at it," he breathed out. She was still sobbing. He put his arms around her and kissed her forehead. She buried her face in his chest and continued weeping. Her entire body was shaking uncontrollably and he pressed on her hands with all his strength to help make it stop.

"Will, I-I-I ca-a-a-n-n't-"

He cut her off. "_Yes, you can._ You are the strongest person I've ever known. There's not any way to bring him back, Alice, but you _will_ be okay."

Her hands tensed up and she slipped them out of his hold. He jerked back in surprise, and she seized the opportunity to push him off of his knees and onto his back. Alice stood up, fists clenched, and felt anger boil up inside of her.

"_NO!_" she screamed. "I will_ not_ be okay."

With this, she sprinted quickly away from him and into the forest. From there, she ran to the only place she knew would end her pain.

The cliffs where she had lost her Cyrus the first time.

It was a long journey, but she never could bring herself to stop and catch her breath. She had been running for half an hour, and Will was not far behind her. She couldn't let him catch her. She couldn't let him convince her to stop. She couldn't live this life anymore. There was nothing for her. Will would just have to survive without her. It wasn't like he needed her or anything. He could do just fine on his own.

His footsteps distracted her and she tripped over a log in the path, scraping her hands and knees. Nevertheless, she stood up and continued to run. The wind stung her new injuries, but she no longer cared. The pain did nothing but make her feel numb. In fact, it made her feel better. Too much of her pain lately had been emotional. The physical pain was liberating. Her mind buzzed with the phenomenon and she surged towards the cliff with a new resolve. If minor injuries made her feel better, then fatal ones would be heavenly. And then she would be dead. Dead with Cyrus, and wherever you went in the afterlife.

Alice burst out of the forest, finding the cliff. She slowed down and stood at the rocky edge. She could not see the bottom, nor did she want to. It would be easier to leap and not know where she was going, only that she was sure it would reunite her with Cyrus.

The ground beneath her crumbled and she closed her eyes, ready to step off and end her life. She raised one foot off the ground and let it hang in the chilly air. The wind rushed through her hair and she will herself to fall.

But she didn't.

Just as she leaned forward to let everything go, permanently, arms enclosed her torso and pulled her away from the edge. Her eyes shot open and she scrambled to break free, but failed miserably. Gripping her tightly, Will hushed her yells and struggles.

"_Bloody hell, Alice_. I thought I'd lost you," he whispered in her ear. His breath was warm and seemed to warm her heart in turn, but then she remembered why she was here. She tried to break free again, but his iron grip would not yield.

She hissed through her teeth, "Let. Me. _Go._"

Will rolled over so that he had her pinned to the ground. "No," he told her. She tried-and failed-to kick him. "Alice, have you forgotten all we've been through? Our lives our bound together, more than you seem to remember."

Alice's eyes widened. _Her second wish. How could she have forgotten about her wish?_

His life depended on hers. He felt everything she felt. She stopped trying to escape from him. Her entire body went limp. Will would have died if she had jumped. He had just saved both of their lives.

_How could I be so stupid?_ she scolded herself.

He must have sensed her change in heart, for he began to climb off of her. She sat up and stared at the cliff she had almost ended her life from. What was beautiful to her seconds ago now looked ugly and full of despair. She realized now that she had wanted to end her pain without realizing how it would affect other people, especially Will. And that wasn't selfish, not in slightest, but her pain blinded her from thinking about anyone else. Her focus was simply on ending suffering, and that was a very human thing. But she knew she couldn't kill herself. No, not today. Not ever.

Will reached out his hand and helped her up off the ground. She stood and refused to let go. He was her anchor, and she needed him more than she could say.

Together, they walked the journey back. They passed where she had skinned her hands and knees. They passed Cyrus' gave, and while it took her everything she had not to break down again, the pain wasn't nearly as bad as it had been.

They walked into the hidden tent. She looked around and sat on the soft bed, physically and emotionally worn. Her stomach growled at her, making her jump back. _The berries. She had wasted all the berries._

"Will," she said, "I'm sorry. I dropped all the berries on the ground. We have no food."

He smiled at her. Confusion crossed her face; he knew something she didn't.

"I would call this food," he replied, pulling four loaves of bread out from hiding. Her mouth dropped and he chuckled. "I noticed you at Cyrus' grave and went to look for food. I happened along a baker traveling and he gave me these."

Alice managed a weak smile and hugged him, taking a loaf from him. As she took it, however, she noticed something different about Will's hands.

They were worn and scraped, almost like-no, it couldn't be.

She looked at her hands and back at his. They perfectly matched each other. He noticed her observation and immediately pulled his hands away from her, tugging down the sleeves of shirt to cover them.

"Will, why do your hands look like mine?"

"Alice, I've told you. We're intertwined. When you hurt, I hurt."

She stepped back. Intertwined. She hadn't realized the extent of her wish. All magic comes with a price, she reminded herself. Will's face looked pained. He had an incredible burden on his shoulders.

"Do you mean that feel absolutely everything I do?" she managed to ask. He simply nodded. Too many emotions to count rushed through her. Her knees threatened to buckle again upon this revelation, but Will steadied her.

"Will...when I brought you here, I thought your mourning was because of Anastasia. But you were just feeling my loss, weren't you? You feel all of my emotions. All of mine, and yours. How do you live with that?"

"It's true I feel everything you do. But it's becoming easier."

Alice shook her head. She didn't understand why he would bear this burden for her. He had been through too much with her already. He had never left her side throughout the entire quest to find Cyrus. Now Cyrus was gone, and what had Will gained? A broken Alice, and the constant reminder of her pain, one that he could not escape.

"Why then, Will? Why do you stay with me? It's enough causing you pain just by being with you every day. But you have to feel everything I do. All of it. Constantly."

He looked down at his feet and scuffed them against the ground. She waited for his answer. Will looked back up and responded.

"Sometimes it's okay to suffer…" he paused, took a big breath, and continued, "...when you suffer for the one you love."


End file.
